When Expectations Hurt More Than People

بِسْمِ اللّٰهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِیْمِ

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Assalamu Alaikum friends!

Sometimes I wonder what hurts a person the most? By changing someone? From someone getting away? By someone being silent? Or from the feeling that the person we felt so much for didn't get what we hoped for?

Maybe the truth is that people don't break us as much as our expectations break us.

We don't even ask anyone to do this for me.
We just think in our heart that he will understand.

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We don't say take care of me when I'm sad...
Just hope he can read through my eyes.
We don't even say that feeling my absence…
The heart just wants to find us on its own.

And then one day when he doesn't, we feel like he neglected us, didn't value us, didn't understand us.

But maybe he wasn't so bad…
We just expected him to behave according to his heart.

At one point I realized very late that not everyone loves in the same way. Someone will message you every day to show their love, someone will be silent and pray for you. Someone will ask your worries, and someone will remain silent thinking that maybe you like to be alone. Someone will understand you immediately, and someone will take time to understand you.

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And the problem arises when we say:

"If I can do it for him, why can't he do it for me?"

This phrase is probably the root of many of our troubles.

Because we start measuring love with our own scale.

Once I gave up many of my possessions for someone. Gave time, paid attention, remembered her little things, tried to find out the reason for her silence. I thought maybe he would do the same for me.

But when I needed him and he wasn't there the way I wanted, I was very sad.

At first I thought he hurt me.

Then after thinking for a long time I realized that maybe he didn't hurt me...

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I myself had created a role for him in my heart, and it hurt me when he did not live up to that role.

He was probably perfectly fine in his place.
The only mistake was that I had expected from him that understanding, that attention and that feeling that he might not be able to give.

Then I realized something very beautiful:

Loving someone and asking someone to reciprocate your love are two different things.

We can take care of someone without thinking that they will take care of us.
We can be nice to someone without expecting them to be nice to us.
We can give importance to someone in our life, but it is not necessary that they also place us in the same place in their life.

And perhaps this is the point where man begins to be liberated from within.

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When we stop telling people that
"You should have done that for me..."

And instead they begin to understand that
"It was my wish, not his responsibility."

This does not mean that we should continue to tolerate people's mistakes.
No.

Where there is no respect, distance is essential.
Where hearts are repeatedly broken, self-preservation is essential.
Where love is one-sided, it is important to accept the truth.

But it is not necessary to be angry with every person who could not give us love as we expected.

Some people are not in our life to make us happy. Some come to teach us something.

Some teach us that not every smile is true.
Some teach us that not every promise is kept.
And some go so far as to teach us not to surrender our peace to another man's behavior.

Now maybe I love people like before,
But I have low expectations.

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Give time, thank you.
Whoever remembers, thank you.
Which goes along, thanks.
And whoever gets left behind somewhere along the way…
Instead of harboring hatred in my heart for this, I just think:

"Perhaps his journey was the same with me."

Because in the end, this is what life teaches us
People will not always go our way.
will not always understand us,
Will not always love like us.

And it's not their fault either.

Our real test is to be able to accept people as they are, not according to our expectations.

Maybe then the heart will break less.
Maybe then doubts will be less.
And maybe we will understand that…

People don't always hurt us.
Sometimes we expect too much from them. They hurt their own hearts. 🤍

@sadaf02