Be Yourself — But Who Is That, Exactly?

Earlier this week, @wakeupkitty a friend of mine asked me a somewhat funny question:

He said Be you- can you be yourself?
But how can someone actually be themselves?

I smiled when I first saw it. Not because it was a stupid question, but because I realised I didn't have a straightforward answer.

We hear it everywhere. Be yourself. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Sounds easy, right?

But what happens when the person you are doesn't seem to fit in anywhere?

My name is Olivia Quinn, and if there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm not always the person people expect me to be.

Sometimes, I'm the loudest person in the room. Other times, I can sit among people for hours without saying much. I can make jokes about almost anything, but there are days when I'd rather be alone with my thoughts.

Some people call me proud. Others think I'm moody. A few have even told me I should try to be more outgoing.

And for a while, I tried.

I laughed at jokes I didn't find funny. I agreed with opinions I didn't share. I sometimes said yes when every part of me wanted to say no.

Not because I was a terrible liar, but because I wanted people to like me.

The funny thing is, the more I tried to become the person everyone liked, the less I understood who I actually was.

I started asking myself questions I had never really considered.

Did I enjoy this, or did I just enjoy being accepted?

Was that really my opinion, or had I borrowed it from someone I admired?

And if nobody was watching, would I still make the same choices?

I didn't find all the answers immediately. Honestly, I'm still figuring some things out.

But one thing I've noticed is that everybody seems to have an idea of who you should be.

Talk more. You're too quiet.

Talk less. You're doing too much.

Be confident, but don't act like you know everything.

Be kind, but don't let people take advantage of you.

At some point, you begin to wonder which version of yourself everybody actually wants.

The truth is, I don't have the same energy every day. I don't enjoy every conversation, and I don't always feel the need to explain myself. Sometimes I want company. Sometimes I want my own space. Both can be true, and neither makes me less of who I am.

I've also come to realise that being yourself doesn't mean you have to tell everybody everything about you. You can be private without being fake. You can be confident without being loud. You can be different from your friends without thinking you're better than them.

And no, being yourself doesn't mean you have to remain exactly the same forever. People grow, interests change, and new experiences can change the way we see things. That's life.

But there's a difference between changing because you've discovered something new about yourself and changing every little thing just to earn someone's approval.

Personally, I'd rather be understood by a few people than spend every day trying to become everybody's favourite person.

Maybe that's what being yourself really comes down to: knowing that you don't have to perform a different version of your personality every time you enter a room.

You can be a work in progress without being a problem to fix.

So, if someone asks me again, “How can you be yourself?” I might still struggle to give them a perfect answer.

But I'd ask them this:

If you had nothing to prove and nobody to impress, what kind of person would you allow yourself to be?

Think about it.

I'm Olivia Quinn, and this is me, without the extra packaging.

October 8.