Despite it all...
"- Grab a plate and throw it on the floor. - Okay, done. - Did it break? - Yes. - Now, say sorry to it. - Sorry. - Did it go back to how it was before? - No. - Do you understand?" – anonymous
I have often reflected on the magnitude of this quote – what it must mean to many other people, but also what it means to me. Some of you that have followed my blog since the beginning will know a fairly large bit about what I have been through in my life. It hasn’t always been very pretty - in fact, most of it has been pretty darn ugly and there are many moments where I sit here and wonder how it is, that I am actually still around. It is an inevitability then, that I would have emotional scars from all those things, right?! It seems obvious don’t you think that I would carry a relative amount of baggage? I certainly think so. I know I would never expect another individual who has endured many a hurt, to walk out unscathed… That just seems so ridiculously unrealistic and selfish.
Why is it then that so many people - often those closest to you that you would think would be the most understanding and compassionate are completely the opposite! I realise that your "issues" are not their problem, but relationships of ALL kinds are about give and take are they not? Are we not supposed to be supportive of one another in both times of strength AND weakness - rather than fueling those weaknesses only perpetuating their often ugly results. All relationships revolve around love - including friendships and that kind of behaviour does not mirror what I believe love to stand for. There is not a person alive today that doesn’t have some kind of emotional baggage – so I find it somewhat troubling and difficult to understand that people cannot hold at least a little empathy or understanding towards another when their behaviour is off-centre or outlandish. You may not know another persons demons - but believe me, they are still VERY REAL! Speaking for myself – I have never proposed to anybody that I am perfect. I know I am quite far from it (who isn't), and at times I am probably a very difficult individual to “handle” because of all my emotional baggage – but I have never let it stop me from continually TRYING to at least become a better and more emotionally complete person each day that I live and breathe!
I always do my best to try and see the positive in everything rather than the opposite – but the reality is, I cannot ignore the scars I wear. Onlookers may not understand them or even be able to relate to them, but guess what - they are very much present, whether invisible to you or not. They are all VERY real to me – and when I am cornered they all crack open like healing wounds and start bleeding again. I don’t know if we ever TRULY heal 100% from the bad things we have experienced in life. I know I try to… but whether or not that has an eventual flawless success rate is yet to be seen. Personally, I do not think so. I have forgiven and I have moved on, but in moments of high emotional intensity your reactions often become more knee-jerk than conscious – and this is often where you lose the plot and everyone looks at you like you are some sort of emotional basket case. Whether they will ever completely leave me or whether I will forever walk around carrying certain insecurities and fears is irrelevant to me actually. I am who I am and like another quote very aptly depicts…
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”― Marilyn Monroe
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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Always good to go through your post. Full of motivation.
Accepting what we are is very necessary to live happily. The scratches on our heart can never be forgotten. There's nothing wrong to be what we are and feeling comfortable with it.
🙂🙂
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I find it just takes a coms ious effort to simply open my hands to drop the bags. How they jump back into my hands I may never know but try and treat insecurities as part of my drive to constantly improve.
You are perfectly imperfect.
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I've always admired your courage for being so open about your life's journey Jaynie and can see how your relationships would be more 'realistic' because of being so open about challenges you have faced that have made you all the wiser and stronger.
And then there are those times when we can feel that those who we have revealed so much of ourselves to, just don't seem to understand how vulnerable we may still be. So much of our culture expects us to 'just get over it' but how we get over it, may take a lifetime. But along the way ~ When we know we are doing our very best to be true to ourselves ~ Miracles WILL happen ~ For ourselves and our loved ones. ♥︎♥︎⚖️♥︎♥︎
I was raised with a saying :
If keep in mind I was born to walk my own line and if you don’t like the line OR can’t keep up with me it’s your loss. It brought me far !
Don’t doubt dear, you do good !
Nobody said it was easy .......
The truth is, we never really know what's going on "underneath" with anyone and this horse shit "man up" syndrome that we have in the UK (don't know if it's prevalent any where else) where it's basically forbidden for a man to show any sign of being in touch with emotions is not the way to live. Masking problems will lead to a blow up at a later date.
The only real way is like you said, empathise and show some compassion with each other. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
@jaynie our friend @nickeyhavey seems to also understand the Golden Rule; "Do unto others as you want done to yourself"
I started The Papillon Foundation and the mission statement is; "Creating better tomorrows from the ashes of today"
This has become my life, trying to create better tomorrows for all including myself. There's no place in our lives for those that don't really care about us, including close family. We care and we expect the care back. Simple for me and it works.
You are indeed a beautiful woman inside and out and you are also a strong woman that knows how to endure.
Now and than a gasket gets blown and the roof blows off, but show me one that this doesn't happen to.
It's a lonely and ugly world out there that needs life's soldiers to show compassion, understanding and strength.
You have more than enough of that to see your through life, scars and all.
Blessings!
Wonderful your writing is so therapeutic. It has a flow.