Changing Habits and Friendships

Maybe I'm weird, but one of the metrics I like to apply to those I'm considering becoming friends with is the simple question "Are you thinking and are you growing?"

Of course it is not a question I ask out loud; just one I consider as an inner inqury.

Many of us are taught from childhood that true friendships are "for life" but I fear that's not always true.

When you are actively engaged in self-improvement it is not unusual for someone to gradually "outgrow" those around you who are content with living their lives in a state of eternal sameness... never questioning the world, or their own roles in that world.

It is one of the reasons why many who are on the journey towards higher self-awareness of describe their lives as rather lonely. And the further you get along the path, the lonelier it can get!

Just to clarify: this is not about thinking yourself somehow superior, it's simply a practical matter of experiencing a shrinking base of common ground. You could think of it like practicing a sport — let's say badminton — where you both start as casual hobbyists, but while one is content to stay at the same level, the other gradually trains themselves towards an advanced level. You could certainly still play together... but it would become an ever-increasing mismatch.

Nobody is actually at fault in such a scenario; people simply change in different directions... and that's a normal part of the human experience.

The challenge comes in the form of staying authentic and being honest... far too often we choose to bend ourselves into impossible pretzel shapes, purely in service of maintaining connections that have actually run their natural course, whether to adhere to social norms or to avoid hurting someone's feelings.

The same can hold true when we significantly change some lifestyle habit.

It could be the sedentary person who embarks on a permanent health and fitness regime and suddenly finds that they no longer have much in common with their previous friends groups. Or maybe we develop a medical condition that requires us to change our lifestyle. We can't really expect our friends to change with us, and it's not unlikely that we'll gradually form a new friends group.

It was something I experienced firsthand when my ex and I split up and "married friends" suddenly became less compatible with my life. It wasn't that I exactly "unfriended" my married friends, but we were part of different scenes; different activities.

Again, nobody was at fault in the process...

The thing to remember here is that nobody really benefits from trying to cling to situations that are no longer working or beneficial. It's no fun to try to maintain a connection that feels more like work than anything else.

Better to just allow them to go...

Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful week ahead!

How about YOU? Have you ever outgrown a friendship? Did you let it go, or did you hang on for longer than healthy? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

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Created at 2026.09.14 01:22 PDT
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