The Grill Debate That Almost Ended My Friendship With My Cousin Danny

Danny and I have argued about a lot of things over the years. Sports teams. Whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it does, fight me). But nothing got quite as heated as the summer we both decided to replace our old grills and couldn't agree on what to buy. He wanted something fast and searing hot for steaks. I wanted something bigger, something that could handle a whole afternoon of cooking for a crowd. We spent an embarrassing number of text messages arguing about it.

It started because his old propane grill finally gave out mid-cookout. Flame just died halfway through cooking burgers for twelve people. Not a great moment. He called me that night annoyed and asking what I thought he should replace it with, and honestly I didn't have a great answer at first because I was dealing with my own grill problems. Mine wasn't broken exactly; it just never got hot enough to actually sear anything properly. Everything came out gray and sad looking instead of that nice crust you want on a good steak.

So we both went down separate research holes that week. Danny is the type who reads twelve reviews before buying a toaster, so he was deep into comparisons within days. I'm a bit lazier about it; I usually just ask people I trust and go from there.

Two Very Different Cooking Styles, Turns Out
What we eventually figured out, mostly by arguing it out over the phone, is that we actually wanted different things and neither of us was wrong. Danny cooks for himself and maybe his girlfriend most nights. Speed matters to him. Get home from work, get a steak seared fast, and be done. He ended up looking hard at infrared grills after a guy at his gym mentioned one that supposedly hits over a thousand degrees. That sounded excessive to me at first, but apparently that kind of heat is exactly the point when you want a proper crust without overcooking the inside.

My situation is different. I've got three kids and a habit of inviting half the neighborhood over on weekends. I needed something that could handle volume, cook a mix of things at once, and maybe give me that open-fire flavor without turning into a whole production every time. That's when I started looking seriously at Santa Maria-style grills, the kind with adjustable heights where you can raise or lower the grate over the fire depending on what you're cooking. Never used one before, but the concept made sense to me instantly. Steaks lower and hot, vegetables higher and slower, all happening at once over the same fire.

I ended up landing on Big Horn Outdoor's outdoor grills and griddles collection after a friend from my old softball team mentioned he'd used one of their infrared models for two seasons without any issues. What sold me wasn't really the marketing; it was that the lineup covers both extremes, the fast-searing infrared side and the traditional open-fire Santa Maria side, so I could actually compare them side by side instead of bouncing between five different brands trying to figure out which philosophy I even preferred.

What Actually Changed Once We Both Bought Something
Danny went with the infrared route. The first weekend he had it, he sent me a video of a ribeye with the kind of crust you'd expect from a steakhouse, not a backyard patio. He wouldn't shut up about it for two weeks straight. Kept saying stuff like I finally understand what people mean by a proper sear, which, coming from a guy who used to burn quesadillas in a regular pan, was a real transformation.

I went with a Santa Maria-style setup, and honestly, the adjustment period was a little longer for me. Cooking over an open flame with a height-adjustable grate takes some getting used to if you've only ever used a standard gas grill with dial settings. First attempt, I had the grate too high, and everything took forever. Second attempt, better. By the third weekend I had chicken, vegetables, and a couple of steaks all going at different heights over the same fire, timed so everything finished close together. Felt like I'd actually learned something instead of just following instructions blindly.

My kids noticed the difference before I even said anything about it. My youngest asked why dinner "tasted like camping" in a good way, which I'm choosing to take as a compliment even though I'm not totally sure that's what she meant.

If You're Stuck Choosing Like We Were
Here's honestly what I'd tell anyone going through the same debate Danny and I had. Think about who you're actually cooking for most of the time. If it's usually just you or one or two people and speed matters, an infrared setup solves that problem fast, especially for steaks, burgers, chops, and that kind of thing where a hard sear is the whole point. If you're regularly cooking for a bigger group and want flexibility over one fire source, something with adjustable height like a Santa Maria grill handles that volume without needing three different appliances going at once.

Fuel type matters too, more than I expected going in. Propane infrared grills heat up fast and don't need much babysitting. Wood- or charcoal-fed Santa Maria setups take more attention but give you that flavor you just can't replicate with gas alone. Neither is better exactly; it depends on what you're after on a given night.

One thing Danny and I both agree on now, after months of using our respective picks, is that neither of us fully understood how much the equipment itself was limiting us before. We both blamed our own cooking skills for years when, honestly, the gear just wasn't built for what we were trying to do with it.

We still argue about pineapple on pizza, though. Some things don't change no matter how good your grill gets.

The Maintenance Side Nobody Warns You About
One thing neither of us thought about until after buying was upkeep. Danny figured his infrared grill would basically clean itself since it's just a burner and a grate. Turns out grease management matters a lot with that kind of high heat, and he learned the hard way after a flare-up singed his eyebrows a little during his third or fourth use. Nothing serious, just embarrassing, and now he's religious about cleaning the tray after every single cook.

My situation was different again. Open-flame cooking means ash cleanup, and if you're using wood, you're also dealing with restocking fuel more often than you would with propane. I didn't mind it honestly; there's something almost meditative about clearing out ash on a Sunday morning before the week starts. Danny thinks that's ridiculous. He says I'm romanticizing chores, which is fair, but I stand by it.

We also both underestimated how much the right accessories would matter. I bought a basic ash tool and a proper grill brush maybe a month in, and it made cleanup so much faster that I genuinely wondered why I waited. Danny picked up a better set of tongs suited for infrared cooking after nearly dropping a ribeye through the grate with a pair that was honestly too flimsy for the heat involved.

A Small Update From Last Month
Funny enough, Danny's parents saw his infrared grill over the holidays and immediately wanted one for themselves. His dad, who has used the same charcoal kettle grill for probably fifteen years, was skeptical at first. Called it "overkill for a burger." Then he tried a steak off it and went quiet for a second before admitting the crust was better than anything he'd managed with his old setup. He still hasn't fully committed to buying one; he's stubborn like that, but I give it another summer before he caves.

My side of the family has been easier to convince. My brother came over last month, watched me run three different foods at three different grate heights over the same fire, and texted me two days later saying he'd ordered something similar for his own place. Small victories, I guess. Nothing dramatic, just the slow realization among everyone we know that the equipment actually matters more than we all assumed for years.

Looking back at the whole argument now, months later, it feels a little silly that we spent so much energy debating which option was objectively better. There wasn't really a right answer. Danny needed speed and precision for smaller everyday meals. I needed flexibility and volume for bigger gatherings. Both needs were legitimate, we just took a while to actually admit that instead of trying to convince each other our own pick was universally correct.

If you're also in the process of upgrading your whole backyard setup and not just the grill itself, I found a decent breakdown of outdoor furniture and layout ideas that helped me figure out where to actually put everything once the cooking side was sorted.