The Art of Forgiveness: Remembering the Light in Others

"When you feel the urge to blame someone for their fault, pause and remember the good they once brought into your life—and let forgiveness lead the way."

1. The Flawed Nature of Humanity

None of us humans is totally flawless. Each of us has different flaws. From time-to-time, each one of us makes a few blunders that can cause disappointment, rage, or pain to those people who have close relationship with them.

However, even if you committed some bad blunder, this does not mean that your character should be totally defined by that single piece of mistake and you shouldn’t think about your good part anymore.

Human relationship consists of lots of events and incidents and to judge someone entirely on his/her worst incident doesn't seem right to me.

2. Shifting Perspective: From Anger to Gratitude

When we're upset about our partner having done something that's hurting us or disappointing us, we tend to get focused solely on our point-of-view – thanks to what's going on inside our brains.

This single-minded focus only feeds more discomforting feelings by shutting out other perspectives.

To grow your emotional maturity, take intentional breaks whenever things are getting intense for you.

Look at more than the present fault. Right now, the anger clouds your vision—it feels like that person is nothing more than the mistake they made against you today. Instead, try to look further into your past together. What about all those times this person was kind? Supportive? Had warm smiles and gentle words?

Of course, none of this will erase the pain you felt right now—but it might help you see that there wasn’t just evil in their intentions after all.

3. The Strength Found in Compassion

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I have found that choosing compassion over bitterness requires tremendous internal strength.

It's far easier to tell yourself you will not lash out or cut ties with people who've been challenging than it actually is. I struggle mightily when trying to remember that there are still good things about those who treat me poorly — even if I am struggling to hold space for their humanity!

Grounded in empathy, you begin to recognize that most of us behave as we do due to our own unhealed pain, stress or confusion.

When we remember this about them – remembering their goodness and kindness even now – we’re able to view them as a flawed human being instead of seeing them as our adversary.

4. Forgiveness is Emotional Freedom

Forgiveness isn’t just forgetting what this person has done wrong. Nor is it pretending their actions never occurred.

But forgiving them for how great they used to be doesn’t mean you should forget all that’s happened between the two of you. It doesn’t mean you have to let go of all your healthy boundaries, either. So why would we even consider letting people off the hook?

I can tell you, carrying anger toward anyone else will burn you more than they ever could. Like carrying hot coals around hoping you’ll get them angry enough to throw them at your enemy—it ends up being the one getting burnt.

To forgive someone by honoring their past kindness is not just a gift to them; it is an act of ultimate liberation for your own soul.

5. Cultivating Inner Harmony and Maturity

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The idea here is that if you can choose to dwell on how much light these individuals have brought you instead of focusing too heavily on the darkness they’ve cast over you with all their flaws, you’ll find an inner peace, strength, and true maturity.

Every single relationship will encounter some amount of friction at times, and as long as you’re able to bring some balance by remembering what these folks did right despite what’s happened lately between you, you’ll help prevent this whole cycle from continuing — which will only make for a kinder world overall.