3. "My Mother Was Not Your Servant"

I hit my wife because of what she said about my mother:

I am a seaman, and I had just gotten off my ship. I told my wife to bring Mother with her to meet me at the airport. When I came out of the arrival hall, I asked my children why their grandmother was not there. They just stayed quiet, and then my wife suddenly spoke up. She said Mother wanted to stay home because she was not feeling well.

My mother is a retired teacher. My older brother and I lost our father when we were young. There are only two of us brothers, both boys. My older brother lives in Canada with his family, so he left Mother in my care. He told me not to abandon her and not to let anyone mistreat her if I ever got married. My brother and I love Mother very much. That is why, even after I got married, I preferred that Mother still live with me.

When I arrived home, I immediately smelled something cooking from the kitchen. I recognized it. It was linutong binakol — boiled chicken with ginger and herbs. Then I looked outside because I heard the sound of a washing paddle, as if someone was doing laundry. I saw Mother, sweating heavily and obviously very tired from washing clothes. She stood up holding her lower back, as if it was hurting. There was so much laundry: my wife’s clothes, my children’s clothes, the sofa covers, and the bed sheets from our room.

I said, “Mother, why are you the one washing these?” Mother replied, “Let me do it, son. It would be a waste of money if you paid someone else to wash them. I’m almost finished. Just open the pot over there; I cooked your favorite dish.”

I said, “I thought you were sick.” Mother answered, “No… look, I’m still very strong,” and she laughed. But when she turned around, I heard her cough. She really was not feeling well. I made Mother stop washing clothes.

Then I went inside. My wife and children were already busy rummaging through my suitcase. My wife immediately asked me where the Coach bag she had asked me to buy was. I had only just arrived, and suddenly my head grew hot. She rummaged through my luggage first instead of preparing food for us. It was already two o’clock in the afternoon, and I had not eaten yet — not even Mother — while she and the children had already eaten at a restaurant while waiting for me at the airport.

I asked her why Mother was the one doing the laundry, when we could have hired a laundry worker or taken the clothes to a laundry shop. She replied, “Don’t you know how to save money? It’s better for your mother to be useful than to gamble every day with the neighbors and always waste money — even her own medicine can’t be bought.”

I could not control myself, and I hit her because of what she said: “It’s better for her to be useful.” It hurt me to hear her speak to my mother that way. If you were in my situation, would you not get angry at your wife or at anyone who spoke that way about your mother?

This was the first time I had ever raised my hand against my wife, so she was very angry. She said she would never forgive me for what I did to her. That is why we are not speaking to each other in the house. This was supposed to be my vacation, but this is what happened.

Should I be the one to ask for forgiveness for what I did?